Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize