You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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