Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
