Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
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