After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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