Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
