I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
