so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize