dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
