go do what you do best...puke behind churches
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
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