Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize