what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
