I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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