May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
