Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
