So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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