We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
