lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
