Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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