I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
