we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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