Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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