All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
