My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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