it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
