yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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