Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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