he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
