You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Randomize
