Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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