I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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