I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
