advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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