I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
