how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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