It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
