I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
