where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
