Me. At least after what I've been through.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
