Redeem this text for a blowjob
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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