I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
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