does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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