Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
