you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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