a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
