she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize