You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
