im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
