I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
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