reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
