After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
