My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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