Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
