Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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