I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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