well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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