You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
