I can't breathe out the right side of my face
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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