mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
