I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
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