my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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