69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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