Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
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