barbara walters just said penis...
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
