that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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