How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
