I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
