when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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