I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Randomize
