just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
