Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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