So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
