Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
