Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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