Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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