Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
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