You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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