Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
